The Scent Of The Morning

Finally, the gloominess of the late night is over and you can see the vivid colorful trees swaying against the light refreshing morning breeze under the cover of a pretty enlightened sky promising with a dazzling sun that's about to show up. Scenes from that impressing and enchanting nature pushed me to replay the scenes of the eighteen years I've spent on the surface of this mortal land.

I could describe them the same way as media introduces corporations in commercials… "Eighteen years of ultimate success". However, the fact is that nothing on earth is ultimate and that's might be one of the reasons behind the dark spot located at the end of my eighteenth year of existence, besides every other single fault of me. Aside from discussing my faults or shifting to motivating myself, I found the paradoxical feelings within my soul much more complicated than any other thing I've ever felt as well as being worth the discussion.

That paradox is neither like the morning nor the night. It's typically as that part of a second at which night vanishes and light begins to overrule again. It's that portion of time we could neither witness nor observe. Nevertheless, I could imagine it to be like a detachment of light from within the core of the dark. It's something a lot like how fruits grow and how we were brought to this life.

Deep within my soul, I know it's over, but those suppressing voices dwelling in my head are holding onto me to stay where I ended up which is definitely not where I belong.

It's a battle against nature if this name could be applied on that case, exactly like taking an Asian tiger out of the wild or a tropical fish out of the ocean. Instant death is the only destination to them unless they manage to return back to where their lives' reasons exist.

Among the shades of light and dark super-positioning in that early morning, I found out that feelings could be the same like that. Sometimes, we lose ourselves to the idealism of that thought of avoiding taking risks. We might choose failure just because of one fall instead of trying to stand up again, as we always fear fixing what was messed up. I could say that our tendency to fear the unknown future pushes us to surrender even when we're so close to success.
It practically resembles the fake idealism of letting go of people because of the fear of losing them one day. Sometimes, people prefer to break their hearts by themselves instead of letting somebody else break it as if this makes it any better, though the harshness of the heartbreak is still the same.  In both cases lack of courage and so-called idealism and realism are the reasons. And the result is… losing everything!

As the sun approached its perfect spot in the heart of the sky, I reached what I was searching for within the depths of me. The problem is that I went through a very long denial stage in which I refused to fix my ruined life as I never gave myself the chance to see the real image. Nothing is more ideal than the courage to face yourself and fix what was messed up. And why should we follow idealism?
We're humans and we have our ups, downs and imperfections. It just takes some courage, strong will and an unbreakable soul to find your way through that sin curve we swing across with its positives, zeros and negatives.